I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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