I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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