no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
