You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
