before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
