I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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