Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
