I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
