I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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