I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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