we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize