You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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