WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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