i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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