Where is the hickey?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
