So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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