he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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