the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
