You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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