eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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