I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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