the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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