Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
