peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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