Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
