I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize