you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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