I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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