We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize