So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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