so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
