she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We're too hungover to prance.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
