why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
