how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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