Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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