my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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