Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
