Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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