The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize