I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
