we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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