i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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