don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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