wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize