I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
