Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
