I seem to have left my pride at pride
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
