We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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