Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
