i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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