When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
