I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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