I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
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Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.