The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
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A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
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Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.