Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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