He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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