Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
