HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
