a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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