let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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