I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We're too hungover to prance.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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